Last night during my "me time", I've assessed myself and realized that I am complaining more about my husband's working time. I recalled that I am expressing my disappointment how my husband is taking for granted his health because of his challenging job. I noticed that, when I meet a person he knows, I can't help myself but to express my worries how he is spending most of his time WORKING..WORKING...WORKING... In short, I am not satisfied with his time management. Huh! So, disgusting- what kind of wife I am? Am I a discouraging wife or an encouraging one?
I am sharing this blog of Pastor's Wife. I think it will help a married person(like me) assess ourselves on how to deal with this kind of situation and improve relationships.
Reblogged:
6 Tell Tale Signs that You are a Discouraging Wife- and How to Change That
So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
I think that it is safe to say that the toughest battle a woman will face is insecurity. The longer that I am married and experiencing life as a wife and a pastor’s wife, I begin to understand one of the most reoccurring and significant battles a man will face is discouragement. Sometimes a man can dwell in this place of discouragement for too long and needs a wife that will infuse him with courage and remind him to not allow discouragement to take residence, but to be treated as a visitor that comes and goes.
It’s easy to be a discouraging wife and not realize your behavior is actually weakening your husbands faith and stripping him of any courage to go after his dreams, strive to reach his goals, and work hard to become better husband, father, and spiritual leader.
Here are 7 tell tale signs that you are a discouraging wife-and how to change it:
1. A Discouraging Wife Reminds her Husband of the Risk: When he wants to step out and try something new she is quick to show him the danger. Her words caution him to the point that he remains stagnant. He won’t seek a new job, start a new hobby, or become a more active spiritual leader. He will begin to feel unfulfilled and stuck in a safe routine. An Encouraging Wife Reminds her Husband of the Reward: She pushes him to step out and continually reminds him of the reward that awaits. She feeds him the courage he needs to initiate something new. He feels motivated and confident to seek a new job or begin a new ministry.
“Without good direction, people lose their way; the more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances.” (The Message) Proverbs 11:14
2. A Discouraging Wife is Critical and Insulting. She is the first to point out his flaws and the negative effect he has on people. She reminds him of his insecurities and deficiencies. Sometimes she even jokes about his flaws and mishaps in front of others. This leaves him feeling alone and unsupported. He will feel that you are no longer his safe place. An Encouraging Wife Compliments and Honors. She praises him in private and in front of to others. She tells him specifically what she admires about his character, personality, and work. She reminds him of his positive effect on others and the success he has had in the past. He feels that his burdens are always shared with his wife. She is his safe place and the strength that keeps him moving forward toward his goals and dreams.
“The tongue can bring death or life;
those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Proverbs 18:21
3. A Discouraging Wife keeps Record of Wrongs. She reminds him of past failures and that any future attempts of his will only end in repeated failure. She remembers his shortcomings and replays them for him often. She holds to his account every word, argument, and insult that he has made. An Encouraging Wife keeps Record of Success. She is quick to remind him of his times of success and achievement. Her words fuel him with power to continue reaching and trying. She remembers his times of triumph and refers back to his achievement to encourage him to remain diligent. She doesn’t allow past arguments or ill spoken words to resurface.
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.” 1 Corinthians 13:4,5
4. A Discouraging Wife Complains. She is quick to point out all that she is unhappy with. Nothing is enough to satisfy her. He can’t help enough or do enough to please her. An Encouraging Wife Appreciates. She is content and thankful for her husband’s hard work and involvement with the family.
“Do everything without complaining or arguing” Philippians 2:14
5. A Discouraging Wife Hears, but doesn’t Listen. She hears what her husband has to say about his job, family, or friends when he is venting and emotional, but she is often too busy to truly listen and she disregards his stress. She continues with her activities or changes the subject to what interests her instead of acknowledging his difficulty. She minimizes his troubles and dismisses the opportunity to comfort and reassure him. An Encouraging Wife Listens. She empathizes with his troubles and allows herself to truly share in his feelings. She makes it her priority to respond with honesty and help. She prays for her husband in times of distress. She gives him a new and positive perspective concerning his struggles.
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galations 6:2
6. A Discouraging Wife doesn’t let her husband lead. She questions his leadership and doubts his decisions. She doesn’t trust his discernment. She refuses to submit to him as head of the house. An Encouraging Wife will trust the judgement of her husband. She will follow the final decision of her husband as the head of the house. She is confident that he can hear from the Holy Spirit regarding important issues and the direction for the family.
“For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22-24
Remember that a Word of Encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success.
I hope that this post is an encouragement to be the wife that your husband needs and desires.
Thanks for reading!
Melissa
Photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net
Be an encouraging wife!
xoxo
Yami
