How to be a good wife?

This morning when I opened my Facebook account, I have one private message.  A cousin asking, “Ate Miriam, pwede ba akong humingi ng advise?  I said, “Oo naman, anything, anytime”.  She replied, “Paano ba maging good wife?”

I paused and asked myself, paano nga ba? 

After attending a Sunday Mass with my husband,  I asked him.  “Da, good wife ba ako?”  He replied, “That’s a good question. Actually you are more than a good wife. Everyday, you do try to prove yourself that you are good wife to me and in every moment that you tried, you convinced me how good you are and that makes you better one. And the better you are, brought out not just a perfect wife, but more than perfect. You are a great wife."

Waaahhhhh!  Kilig to the bones!  And of course aside from that sweet answer he has naughty whisper pa.  (Sweet talaga!) hehehe!  Ganyan kami eh, bolahan pa din everyday. (LOL!)

Basically, we can’t say that we’re good or great wife.  Only our partner can tell how great we are.  Being a good wife depends on the needs of a husband.  I can’t say that my ways will be perfect for all wives out there.  It’s our own discovery on how to be great to our partner.

But since, she asked for my opinion.  I am happy to share my secret being a “great” wife according to my husband.

1.     Be a happy wife.

Being married is a very challenging “status” in life.  We have more obligation, more responsibilities, more concern but more happiness.  One of our first obligations is to be physically, mentally, emotionally and financially stable.  How can we do our job as a wife if we’re sickly, short-tempered, and unhappy?  Mabilis mag-init ang ulo natin.  As a wife, we must eat well, exercise, read, relax, enjoy our passion and have “good” friends.  We must be healthy so that we can take good care of our partner.  A happy wife is a happy life. It's not a sin to find your happy place once in a while.  A wife must have self-fulfillment physically and emotionally.

2.     Know your husband. 

In marriage, every day is a getting-to-know-you moment.  We discover several attitudes as we grow up together in a relationship.  We must be observant in every action of our partner.  It’s important to know their likes, wants and even their dislikes.  In that way, we can work out how to please him when he’s upset,  how to react when he’s angry or how to celebrate when he’s happy. “Love your partner according to your partner’s needs.” Find out what makes our spouse feel loved so we can show our love in a way that it will be well-received

3.     Always show respect to your partner

Showing respect to our partner is a habit that is worth creating, as it’s a necessary   ingredient for creating a happy, healthy and long lasting connection. When we express respect towards our partner, we are expressing our love, acceptance, and warmth. When we express disrespect, we are expressing that we don’t accept your partner. Respecting our partner is all about valuing them for who they are, including differences. We may have a different outlook on life but this does not mean that we should disrespect our partner and put them down.  It is one way of building “trust” to our spouse in his ability and attitude.  Avoid funny moments for our partner’s weaknesses in public or in front of our family and friends.  It may encourage disrespect for him self and can lower his morale.  As a wife, our role is to always support them in any ways.

4.     Communicate more.

We have such busy schedules that connecting with our partner throughout the day can be last priority, but if you we to have a happy, long-lasting relationship, reconnecting with our partner throughout the day is crucial. It can be as simple as sending a loving text during our lunch break or giving our partner a call on the way home. This habit is meant to keep the connection and focus with our partner. Even if you have a hectic schedule, you can still make the time to spend a text message or give your partner a phone call. Be creative. Think of ways that we can do to reconnect with our partner throughout the day.  Don’t forget to tell our partner essential things every day.  Start a conversation after work by asking “How’s your day? Or “I love you” as you wake up or when he is leaving.  Compliment him also by saying, “You’re so handsome or You’re so hot, today.”  Saying “Please”, “Thank you” and “I’m sorry” really help in being a “good wife”.  Give him a chat, text or e-mail, if he is working far from you.  It’s a big deal for him, I bet.

 5. “Breathe, Think, Pause……and Respond” when in arguments.

We can’t avoid arguments, because that’s part of a relationship.  Do accept that we are two different persons so it’s normal that couples have opposite views.  When conversation are getting hot and will turn into flame, I have a formula “Breathe, Pause, Think……and Respond”.  Most misunderstanding became huge issues because we react and say something that ten minutes later we wish that we hadn’t said. True, di ba?  But if we can control ourselves and follow the formula BREATHE-take the oxygen in that will allow you to think clearly. PAUSE-allow your conscious mind to take control.  THINK-let the most useful resourceful, ‘solution-focused’ response come to you and only then you should RESPOND, we will notice huge improvements in dealing arguments.

6. Embrace Imperfection

No one is perfect. Sometimes you’ll need to get over the little things your partner does that bother you. That’s one of the good things in marriage.  As we grow into relationship our imperfection became perfect because we we’re able to accept each other and we get use to it.  In my experience, one of the imperfections that my spouse really bothers me is being always late.  For ten years, I live with it.  I overcome it and I became a late person too. Hahahaha! I was able to embrace his imperfection.

7. Transparency

It’s so important that we have transparency in all aspect of our relationship: finances, plans, outside family and work.  It’s our obligation to tell everything to our spouse because he deserves to know everything.  Remember that husband and wife are one.  One decision, one trouble and one success! 

8. Provide the time that he needs.

Wives are always so busy doing chores at home especially if we have kids around.  Make sure to allot extra time just for our husband only.  It’s the time where you can talk about each other.  Listen to his stories and dreams.  Getting away from the rest of the world at least once a year can do wonders for a relationship. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive, but it can make a big difference in the health of your relationship. Make your weekend away a priority each year. Take turns planning your weekends each year to surprise him or plan your weekends together as a couple.

9. Learn every day.

Allot time to read personality development books, blog and articles.  It can help improve our character to meet the needs of our partner.  

10.  Be a praying wife

At the end of the day,  all we need is prayer.  Always ask guidance to be a good wife.  When we are happy, PRAY.  When we are upset, PRAY.  When we are angry, PRAY.  When we are in doubt, PRAY.  God will lead us the way we want. 

 That's all I can share.  Do I forget something?  If you're a wife, what can you share?  Feel free to share your secrets being a great wife.  We can learn from you too.  Everyday and everywhere is a source of learning about life.  Learning and sharing can make the world happier.

Be Positive Think Positive!